Frenemies Forever
by Roxius
Summary: When Maxi goes to a bar, who does he find but Astaroth sulking about his love life? MaxiAstaroth friendship, and AstarothXAshlotte pairing. Please READ & REVIEW! Seriously, read and review, people!


Maxi expected to find alot of things when he entered a bar: booze, drunk hobos, more booze, a grumpy manager who likes to add the word 'fuck' to every other sentence that spews out of his mouth, a half-dead hooker, a hidden cache of booze, Simon Powell, his mother, even more booze, etc.

However, what he saw inside was something he didn't expect in the slightest; Astaroth was sitting at one of the tables, sobbing loudly into his arms with six empty bottles of beer lying on the floor next to him. Normally, Maxi would have been very eager to kill the golem bastard so he could avenge his comrades, but he wasn't in the mood to fight that day. So, he decided to strike up conversation, if only to see if he could learn any of Astaroth's weaknesses.

"Yo, big, brash and ugly...what's up?" Maxi asked as he took a seat across from Astaroth.

Sniffling, Astaroth looked up and snapped, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T NEED PITY FROM ANYONE, ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOU!" After saying that, Astaroth buried his head into his arms again and continued to bawl.

Maxi put a comforting hand on Astaroth's shoulder and replied, "Listen, man...don't try and shut people out, especially people who just want to help you. Sure, we are sort of arch-enemies and all that, but I'm willing to put it all behind me...at least for tonight. So, c'mon...tell me what's the matter."

After a minute, Astaroth gave in. He sat up and wiped away some of his tears as he said, "A-Alright...I guess I can fill you in on my troubles...but if you make fun of me or tell anyone about it...I'll h-have to break open your skull, rip out your brain, and eat it with a hot bowl of rice on the side! G-Got it?"

Even though the golem man was probably drunk when he said this, Maxi guessed that Astaroth couldn't really feel the effects of alcohol anyway, so he was definitely in trouble if he did something stupid to upset the weeping giant.

Once he calmed down, Astaroth began to speak, "Well...do you know that girl, Ashlotte? The robot girl who was sent to kill me by Fygul Cestemus...?"

In all his years as an Elvis impersonator (which was quite a long time, I tell you), Maxi had never heard of anyone named Ashlotte. However, he just nodded his head in response and kept his eyes on Astaroth in attention.

"W-Well," Astaroth continued, "I...I fell in love with her..."

Maxi let out a gasp. How was it possible that a golem, a man-made being with no soul, could fall in love with another man-made being with no soul? It was...it was...IT WAS SHEER AND UTTER MADNESS!

"Are you upset because you're in love with her?" Maxi asked.

Astaroth shook his head. "No, not really..." he explained, "It's just...I...I asked her to be my girlfriend earlier today...and she turned me down..."

Maxi winced; not matter who it was, Maxi always hated it when he heard that someone he knew had been broken-hearted by someone they loved. Even if that person he knew was responsible for the death of his brother and his entire crew.

Maxi was really getting interested in the conversation now. "Why would she turn down such a...a handsome fella...like yourself?"

Astaroth shrugged and let out a sigh, saying, "I have no idea. I even swore I would stop killing people and be helpful to society from now on...but I guess I don't need to follow those false ideals anymore since she hasn't accepted my love...oh god, I wish I could just die right now..."

"Don't worry, man, it'll all be okay..." Maxi said in a pitiful attempt to comfort the golem. In the back part of his mind, he was considering fulfilling Astaroth's wish to 'die right now'.

Suddenly, the door to the bar swung open. Maxi looked over to see who it was, and was surprised that a pale girl dressed in Gothic Lolita clothing was suddenly walking towards the two of them. Maxi had no idea who the hell she was.

"Don't look now," Maxi whispered to Astaroth, "But I think that girl is coming over here so we can bang her."

"OH CRAP, IT'S ASHLOTTE!" Astaroth cried in despair, unable to take any more mental trauma.

Maxi looked at Ashlotte again and thought, 'Damn, she may be a man-made being with no soul, but she's pretty cute! Still...there's no way in hell that Astaroth could score points with a hottie like this!'

Walking up to Astaroth, who was busy sweating bullets, Ashlotte whispered something into his ear. Then, she turned around and left the building.

Astaroth seemed to be almost frozen in shock, so Maxi asked him what the girl had told him.

"She...she said she wanted to talk to me outside..." Astaroth said quietly. Pushing himself up, Astaroth headed outside to confront Ashlotte...and learn what his ultimate fate will be.

Maxi mentally wished Astaroth good luck as he then began his search for some good booze, but all the customers and the bartender himself were victims of Astaroth's angst. Sighing, Maxi just slumped back in his seat and waited for Astaroth to come back with (hopefully) good news.

However...he never came back, and Maxi was left abandoned and alone in the bar for the rest of the night...

'GODDAMN IT! NOW I'M REALLY GONNA KILL THAT GOLEM BASTARD! I DON'T CARE IF HE AND THAT GOTHIC LOLITA CHICK HOOKED UP...THAT BASTARD IS GOING DOWN FOR LEAVING ME HERE!!'

Now Maxi had to go and search all over the world for Astaroth again...Yeesh...


End file.
